Pilar Sr. - 2007 Additions
2007 Significant Contact
Pilar Sr. made her first significant contact with David Irving in several years through a pivotal phone call in November 2007 regarding their deceased daughter Josephine's ashes.
Josephine's Burial Arrangements
Initial Contact (2007-11-19)
After years of limited communication, Pilar Sr. contacted DI regarding Josephine Victoria Irving's ashes:
- Spencer's Cooperation: Josephine's husband Spencer Tucker was now "willing to allow them to be buried"
- Burial Location: Pilar Sr. wanted the ashes buried in Ongar churchyard next to "Mummy's grave (and Elisabeth's)"
- Family Reunion: The burial would provide opportunity for family gathering
DI's Response
DI immediately offered full cooperation and financial support:
"I say I will pay any costs, and she can of course stay here as 'our guest' while passing through London."
Family Tensions Revealed
The conversation exposed long-standing family resentments:
Pilar Sr.'s accusation:
"You did not sit near us at the funeral etc., showed little interest!"
DI's defensive response:
"How can she say that, I ask in reply: I myself organised the whole funeral, and sat in the row right behind them in the church. Human memory!"
Family Dynamics Discussion
The conversation covered broader family relationships:
- Current obligations: DI explained his continuing obligations to Benté Hogh due to her evident illness
- Family patterns: Discussion of which daughters still talk about Josephine
- Emotional connections: Acknowledgment of different family members' coping mechanisms
Practical Arrangements
Pilar Sr. took responsibility for coordinating with the church:
- Obtaining the vicar's contact information from John Irving
- Drafting appropriate correspondence for burial request
- Planning for small memorial service
Letter Template for Church (2007-11-20)
DI drafted a formal letter template for Pilar Sr. to send to the Ongar vicar:
"Dear Reverend... In September 1999 we tragically lost our oldest daughter Josephine Victoria Stuyck Irving. Until now her ashes have been in the custody of her husband Spencer Tucker. We have pressed him to allow a proper burial with a marker, and it seems he is now willing to acquiesce. We would very much like to lay her ashes to rest at a small spot next to her grandmother Beryl Irving and aunt Elisabeth Irving beneath the church wall..."
Relationship Assessment
The 2007 contact reveals:
- Geographic connection: Pilar Sr. had contact information for vicar through John Irving, suggesting ongoing family network connections
- Family leadership role: She took initiative in coordinating Josephine's final burial arrangements
- Emotional complexity: Mix of practical cooperation and unresolved emotional tensions
- Respect for tradition: Desire for proper burial in family plot with established connections
Cross-References
Notable Quotes
On family obligations (2007-11-19):
"I obviously have obligations to B. which I cannot ignore, particularly as she is evidently ill one way or the other."
On funeral memories (2007-11-19):
"How can she say that, I ask in reply: I myself organised the whole funeral, and sat in the row right behind them in the church. Human memory!"
On burial costs (2007-11-19):
"I say I will pay any costs, and she can of course stay here as 'our guest' while passing through London."
Draft burial letter (2007-11-20):
"We would very much like to lay her ashes to rest at a small spot next to her grandmother Beryl Irving and aunt Elisabeth Irving beneath the church wall."
Notes
The 2007 contact with Pilar Sr. represents both an opportunity for family healing and a reminder of unresolved tensions following Josephine's death in 1999. Her initiative in organizing proper burial arrangements demonstrates continued maternal concern and family responsibility, while the conversation's emotional undertones reveal the complexity of family relationships affected by grief, divorce, and geographical separation. The practical cooperation around burial arrangements suggests potential for limited but meaningful family reconciliation.